Here are my thoughts on what you should be thinking about if you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Adoption can be the best option for many women. I’m here to help if that’s what you decide. I’m also here for you if you just need someone to listen. You don’t have to give your baby up for adoption to contact me and to talk.
You should keep your baby if you are sure that you want to parent
What I mean by this is that you should keep your baby if that’s what YOU want. Don’t choose adoption if someone is manipulating you, and don’t choose to parent because someone is pressuring you. Some women just know in their hearts that they want to have the baby and want to parent the baby.
These women might want to learn more about adoption in order to reaffirm that it’s not right for them. Other women research adoption, asking should I keep my baby, and then learn something about adoption that feels really comfortable to them. Maybe they find a family that feels right, or maybe they learn more about open adoption and realize that’s the path for them.
Even if you aren’t totally sure you want to parent, I would suggest that you consider parenting first. You can place a baby for adoption at anytime after birth. You can take your baby home and see how it goes before making a decision.
Baby’s biological father will help you parent
I know I just said that you shouldn’t choose adoption or parenting because someone is pressuring you or manipulating you. However, if baby’s biological father is someone you know and trust, and he’s offering to help with expenses and childcare, then this can be a good reason to keep your baby. Keep in mind, though, that people make promises all the time and then let you down.
If you are choosing to parent because you are relying on him, make sure you actually can count on him. Some women will want to get promises of support in writing. Others will want to see baby’s biological father stepping up to be a father before baby is born. Stepping up might mean that he’s taking you to doctor appointments, helping you prepare baby’s room and clothes and other baby supplies. Just remember, actions speak louder than words.
Family and friends can help and support you
Some women wonder “should I keep my baby” even when family and friends have offered to help. This happens when a woman isn’t sure that family and friends will follow through. If you are relying on family and friends, it might be a good idea to ask them specifically what they will help with. You never know what people have in mind until you ask. Maybe they are willing to help with food and clothes but they aren’t willing to babysit. Some people will help with babysitting but only while baby is an infant, not when baby is a toddler. Others might be willing to take baby during the week but not on weekends, when you need to make time for yourself.
If family and friends offer up help, be sure to get really clear on what they are willing to do. You want to make these important decisions based on real information, not assumptions.
There is no risk Child and Family Services will take your baby into custody from the hospital
If you have used drugs during your pregnancy or have other circumstances that might be unsafe for a baby in your home, then Child and Family Services may intervene and take your baby into custody. This typically happens when a women or her baby test positive for drugs at the hospital. When this happens, the hospital is required to report the positive test result to Child and Family Services so they can investigate. If you have had a child taken into custody before, and you are already in the system, chances are higher that your newborn will be placed into the foster system as well.
When there’s a risk of CFS taking your baby, you have options before it’s born. If you make an adoption plan before you deliver, CFS will honor that adoption plan and allow the baby to be discharged to the adoptive parents. If you later change your mind about the adoption and ask for your baby back, CFS will be contacted and will open an investigation.
What happens if you let CFS take your baby
Your other option is to allow CFS to take your baby and work hard on a plan to reunify with your baby. For some women, completing all of the court requirements to get the baby back is difficult, if not impossible. Typically you will need a stable job and housing and complete parenting classes or drug and alcohol rehabilitation. The risk in going this route is that if you are unable to reunify, then your baby will be raised by foster parents and potentially adopted through the foster care system.
For many women in this situation, making an adoption plan before delivery is their best option. They can have an open adoption and be involved in their baby’s life in some way. These women take comfort in knowing that they chose their baby’s family and that they gave their baby the best life possible.
Trust your heart and your instincts
i can’t emphasize this enough. When thinking about your options, you need to trust your heart and your instincts. Whatever you decide, just remember that the choice is yours. Some decisions are better made from your heart and your instincts. If you decide you have the tools and support to parent, you will figure it out even though the path may be difficult.
If you decide that adoption is right for you and your baby, embrace the journey and make informed choices along the way. I placed my son for adoption several years ago. It is by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’ve never regretted it. It is one of the things I’m most proud of.
Contact me today if you want more information or if you just want to talk. I’m here for you!