An unplanned pregnancy can be stressful, and if you are pregnant and don’t want the baby, you may be considering abortion and adoption. I am a birth mother and an adoption attorney, and The Adoption Resource Center is one of the most trusted nonprofits in the country. Let me explain from my perspective some of the reasons pregnant women don’t want their baby. Then you can read on to understand who typically chooses abortion and who typically chooses adoption.
You don’t want this baby because you are not ready to be a parent
Many women don’t feel ready to parent when they are faced with an unplanned pregnancy. There are several reasons they feel this way. Raising a child is expensive. Women who don’t have the means feel that they can’t give their baby the life they want for it. Other women may be pursuing school or other means to reach financial security. Adding a child to the mix can make this impossible.
Mental health might be a barrier for some women. Depression and anxiety can be debilitating, and the thought of raising a child while struggling with a difficult mental state lead some women to feel that they don’t want their baby. In these circumstances it’s important to get help right away. If you are choosing to end a pregnancy or to make an adoptive placement, it’s so important that you make these choices when you are stable. Abortion and adoption are permanent, life-changing choices. Get the mental health support you need so you can make the best choice possible in the healthiest frame of mind.
Some women feel they are too young to have a baby. Teenagers are less likely to finish high school if they choose to parent. Teenage parents typically need a lot of help and support from family and friends to raise a baby. Frequently, they don’t have this support.
It is unrealistic that you can raise another child
One of the reasons a woman might choose to terminate a pregnancy or to place a baby for adoption is that she has one or more children she’s already parenting. Frequently these women are single parents with little support from family and friends. Her resources are already stretched thin and financially she can’t take on another child.
It’s also common that a woman doesn’t want another baby when the kids she’s parenting are school age. Once the kids are in school, many women are able to go back to work or back to school. They can see there’s hope for the future, that they can finally start getting their feet back under them. An unplanned pregnancy can be devastating in these circumstances.
Some women don’t want to have children in general
Parenthood isn’t for everyone! I frequently talk with women who tell me they have never wanted to have a child or to be a parent. Sometimes they feel like they can’t connect to the pregnancy, or to bond with the baby. I’ve worked with married couples who choose adoption because they don’t feel parenthood is the right choice for them, and they don’t feel comfortable terminating the pregnancy. There can be so many reasons why people don’t want to have children: they value their independence and freedom; they don’t have the financial means; they have mental health issues that inhibit their ability to be there for a child. The list goes on! Whatever your reasons, you aren’t a bad person for not wanting kids (I hear this a lot…that women fear they are a bad person if they don’t want kids). There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel parenthood isn’t for you.
You just don’t want to be pregnant
Experiencing pregnancy is a major medical event for a woman’s body. Pregnancy comes with risk and caring for a baby in the womb is a big responsibility. Your body changes in many ways: weight gain, blood volume, hormones. For nine months a woman experiences these changes and then the difficulty of childbirth. On top of that, pregnancy comes with other issues as well. Some women can’t work or lose their jobs. Morning sickness can be debilitating for many months, and for some, throughout the pregnancy. A pregnant woman may not want her baby because she just doesn’t want to be pregnant. This is a reasonable, rational feeling.
Who chooses abortion vs giving a baby up for adoption
It’s not surprising that most women know pretty quickly whether they will terminate a pregnancy or choose adoption. In fact, frequently they don’t even have to think about it. I’ve talked with many women over the years who have said either, I could never have an abortion; or, I could never give a baby up for adoption. They also frequently say that they never even considered the other option.
Not surprisingly, these choices are usually based on religious beliefs, upbringing and values, and finances. My advice is to go with your gut and trust your heart. You should also make a decision when your mental health is stable, and without influence from anyone. The choice is yours and should make it freely and with full knowledge of what you’re doing.
Contact me today if you want to talk. I’m here to help whatever you decide!