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How Adoption Changed Me

I have no doubt that placing my son for adoption changed me. The purpose of this article is to share with you my personal experience placing my son for adoption. You can read my adoption story here, and you can learn more from this post, specifically, about me and how adoption changed me.

Adoption Is A Deeply Personal Experience

Adoption Changed Me

Each woman who places a child for adoption processes the experience in her own way. Some women will experience more grief than others. Many women feel delayed grief, and process the adoption months or even years later. Birth mothers experience loss very differently as well, usually depending on their life experiences, coping mechanisms, and support systems.

I have talked with many women over the years who are considering adoption, and many who have already made a placement. Frequently, they reach out to me to talk because they want reassurance that they are not alone. Some birth mothers want to learn more about my experiences to validate some of their own. Expectant mothers who are considering adoption want to know what to expect. Placing a baby for adoption is such a unique experience that many women are afraid of how it will affect them, their outlook on life, their attitudes about themselves.

My Son’s Adoption Changed How I Perceived My Peers

When I placed my son for adoption, I was 21 years old. After the adoption, I really wanted to move on with my life. I wanted to be 21 again, going out with my friends, finishing school, getting a job and supporting myself. Many of my friends were also in their early twenties. They had the lifestyles and typical problems of kids in their twenties. Because of what I had been through with pregnancy, adoption, and dealing with my son’s father, I found myself unable to related to my friends and their issues.

I would go out with them and have fun, but inside I felt like I didn’t belong there. I felt like I had somehow moved on from what felt like meaningless and superficial interactions. I had suffered and grieved a lot, and when my friends would be sad or complaining about missing the sale at their favorite clothing store, or a fight with a loser boyfriend, I felt like I couldn’t be bothered. Don’t get me wrong–I was supportive and there for my friends. I just couldn’t relate. It took me a long time, and some growing up, to get back to where I felt like I could relate with people my age again.

Adoption Changed How I Felt About Unplanned Pregnancy

I was raised very conservative and very Catholic. When I was in 8th grade a participated in a debate where I vehemently opposed abortion. When I got pregnant at 2o, I surprised myself when I seriously considered having an abortion. I don’t honestly know why I considered it, other than to say that it was pretty appealing considering the alternatives. Ultimately I chose adoption not because I was anti-abortion but because the medical procedure scared me. Also, because I had cancer as a teenager, my doctors said I wouldn’t be able to have kids. When I got unexpectedly pregnant, I thought it might be the only baby I ever had. So abortion just didn’t feel like the right choice.

While I don’t remember judging women who had abortions, I’m sure that I did. After I chose adoption, I had a lot of empathy for women who found themselves in my position. I felt that every woman had the right to decide for herself and that it wasn’t for me to judge.

Placing My Son For Adoption Made Me Feel Like I Could Do Anything

Choosing adoption isn’t easy. I have said it many times: it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and one of the things I’m most proud of. After I placed my son for adoption, I felt like I could get through anything. My confidence in myself, my survival skills, and my joy for life just got stronger. I learned a lot about what I’m capable of. Most important, I learned that taking the hard path lead me to a lot of growth. Maybe I have regrets for getting myself into that situation in the first place, but I’ve never regretted choosing adoption. I know it has helped make me the compassionate, resourceful survivor I am today.

Adoption Inspired Me To Be The Best Version Of Myself

I wasn’t a very confident or mature 20 year old when I got pregnant. I didn’t really know what I was doing with my life, and I never felt that great about myself. My strongest memory of those days around the adoption is that I wanted my son to be proud of me. I was determined to finish college and to pursue my dreams, to live my best life. When the hard emotions started to subside, I was ready to make a plan for myself, to set some goals and start achieving them.

For some reason I also found that I was more patient with people around me, and I was more open to new ideas and perspectives. My mantra was that I didn’t go through all of this for nothing. I was able to use the experience as a springboard to living the life I wanted.

If you are a birth mother, and you need someone to talk with, to commiserate and share experiences, I’m your girl! Use the contact options on this page to reach out anytime.

On the other hand, if you are pregnant and considering adoption, I’m here for you as well! We can talk about your questions, concerns, even your fears if you have any. I can explain how adoption works, what to expect, and help you to think through all the important things you need to know before you make a decision. Use the contact options on this page to reach me directly for one-on-one support from me personally.

Wishing you all the best!

adoption changed me

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